I hate going to the doctor. It brings up so many unpleasant memories. I'll always remember the first time I went for a smear at the doctors and I was sooo nervous! I lay back on the table, opened my legs and the nurse said "stupid girl! take your knickers off!".
Even more embarassing than that was the time I went for a check up at my new doctors and the nurse noted down my height and ask me to stand on some scales. She then proceeded to ask me the stupidest question in the whole of human history! A question that still haunts me today! "You do know your overweight don't you?". I was absolutely gobsmacked! Of course I know I'm overweight I felt like saying, I maybe fat but I'm not bloody blind!!
Things I hate about being fat:-
1. Squeezing past people when they are sitting down (i.e. in cinemas). I fel like I should have a horn like a revering van to warn people (it still wouldn't stop the dirty looks I get).
2. Ordering fatty food in public (even if its not for me). As a fat bird I think people expect me to be constantly on a diet and only eating salad.
3. Eating in public. I get paranoid that people suddenly get eyes like the terminator and zoom straight on me.
4. Crappy clothes. Finding the perfect top/skirt/jeans/dress but its only in a size 8. Or being a different size depending on what shop I'm in, thats really irritating! Same goes for underwear. All the underwear I own is used to lift my boobs from my tummy and suck my tummy in. Few people actually know what I really look like underneath my clothes.
Some days I don't even want to leave the house I feel so hideous. I look into my so full it could burst wardrobe and see nothing at all flatering (note to self see if they sell any sacks in primark). Add to that I can't get my make-up right and my hair won't behave and I just want to cut myself off from society altogether!
Being fat and constantly critisized all my life has made me look for the worst in people. I look at skinny girls (sure she's thin but at least I don't have a face like a horse) and big people (praise be to god! There are fatter people than me!).
Its not like I sit on my arse all day stuffing my face with cream cakes wondering how the hell this could have happenned. I've tried everything! Crash diets, slimming pills, not eating,etc. I've even tried slimming clubs where some hyperactive stick insect (biggest size she ever was was a size 14! poor love!) told me that after a hard days work I should cook everything from scratch and dance around with the hoover to get more exercise!
I don't know why I let it bother me so much. I'm not too bad looking, got brains, can be quite witty and funny (in a strange twisted way). I wish people could see our other qualities instead of dumping us into catergories of 'pretty and thin' or 'fat and ugly'.
I work at a bookmakers so I know that all people have their vices. I don't smoke, hardly drink, exercise and try to eat my five fruit and veg a day. So who's to say that a chain smoking, binge drinking stick insect is healthier than me just because she has a lower BMI index.
The media doesn't help. They should ban all these contradicting stories in the newspapers and magazines (i.e. airbrushed celebritites, so and so lost too much weight followed a couple of pages later by follow my diet by so and so).
We are all born different and why can't we just be encouraged to make the most of what we've got. Eat more healthily, drink water and exercise-simple really. Learn to love what we've got, lumps and bumps and all.
